My Story-The Ups, the Downs, the Past, the Now

My Story

We all have a story. The people, experiences and parts of life that have shaped us. Sometimes we don’t recognize they key parts of our story. The big things that brought us to a whole different place. I want to recognize those key parts. I want to reflect back and and be grateful for those key turning points. Because it helps me to see Jesus’s hands and his heart always with me.

When I think back on when I started loving Jesus, I can’t remember a start time. For as long as I've remembered I have loved him. I grew up in the catholic church and we went to church every Sunday. I remember dreading going to church and not understanding any of it. But every night my mom would pray with us. And I knew he heard my prayers. I knew he was with me and protecting me. And every once in a while I would see a picture of Jesus. His kind eyes always drew me in. I knew he loved me. And I knew I loved him. But that was about all I really knew.

We didn't own a bible and I didn't understand what Jesus really did on the cross for me. My parents sent my siblings and I to private schools growing up. We went to a Catholic school until 8th grade and then to a Lutheran High School. That Lutheran High School, Martin Luther in Greendale Wisconsin, was a huge part of my story. It was there that I first opened a Bible. On my first day of school, in our theology class, the teacher told everyone to open up to John chapter 3. Everyone opened up right to the page. I had no idea how to navigate this huge book in front of me! And I was still just in shock that we could have a Bible and read it and that it wasn't just for the Priest in front of the congregation. So, I was slightly embarrassed that day that I didn't know how to find things in the bible. So, that night at home in my room, I surfed through it trying to get familiar with it. I fell in love. I remember tears falling down my cheek. There was so much in this book. God was speaking to us through a book! What?! How had I never known that?? I have loved books since I was 4 years old and started reading. I would read everything I could. And now there was a book from God himself! Holy cow!!!!!!!! I started to read. I read quickly and I read a lot. I read Matthew first. I loved learning about Jesus and felt so close to him. I wanted to know him more. So, I kept reading. In about a month I read through the New Testament. Then I went back to Genesis and read through the Old Testament in about 3 months. This book was amazing. I loved the Theology classes at school and would sit at the end of my chair listening to every word the teacher taught. We would memorize bible verses and learn historical and factual information. And I loved every part of it. I took a college level course about the New Testament instead of an easy elective that everyone else picked. I was just drawn to this book.

But I there was a disconnect between my mind and my heart. I didn't understand how to nurture my relationship with God and what a life of faith should even look like. I looked for approval from guys and wanting to be popular. I gossiped and cared about clothes and hair and silly high school things.  I didn't have a church or people around me really nurturing or guiding me in how to walk with Jesus. So, that would come  in the next part of my story. But still in this part of the story, I loved the Bible and I wanted everyone I knew to love it too. I held a weekly Bible study at school in my Theology Teacher’s classroom. I held a summer Bible study at my house. I was determined to teach what I was learning.

The next part of my story happened at the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point, where I quickly got involved in Campus Crusade for Christ. This is a HUGE part of my story. This ministry changed my life. Through discipleship, bible study, other women who took me under their wing, I learned to how to grow in my relationship with God. I recognized how much I was living for myself throughout my life. I recognized the magnitude of what Christ did for me on the cross. And there was no one else I wanted but JESUS. And I wasn't alone. There were others who wanted Jesus. And together we’d gather in small bible studies every week in a dorm room. We’d gather at weekly Cru meetings with hundreds of other students where we’d learn from a speaker and sing praise and worship music to God. An older student would take me to coffee once a week and mentor me. I made amazing friends. We’d have so much laughing and hanging out and enjoying life and God together. We’d go to conferences and retreats together, growing in our walks with him. It was a dream! It was a small glimpse for me of what Heaven will be like. Being surrounded by amazing friends who love God and push and challenge each other and grow together. I grew so much because of these friends God gave me to grow with.

In the midst of those friends who loved God was a tall,skinny,shy boy with glasses. He was kind and sweet and he loved Jesus. Which brought me to the next part of my story.

We got married and started life in the real world. Out of our Christian bubble of Campus Crusade we were quickly thrown into the stresses of reality. Upon graduation we moved three hours away, started our full time jobs, bought a house, and oh crap that baby we planned on having in 5 years came 4 years earlier. And this part of my story kinda sucks. It’s the part where I let God slip away. I lost my focus. Working full-time with a colicky baby who kept me up all night long and an overwhelmed and stressed husband who was thrown into this mess too early along with me took up my life. I wasn't reading my Bible. I went to Church every Sunday but desperately missed the fellowship I had in College. Everyone else I met with children was almost 10 years older than me. It was hard for me to find anyone to relate to, and I felt very alone.  Marriage was hard and life was hard and both of us were searching for a way for things to be better. So in all our wisdom, we moved across the country because that would solve all of our problems and bring us complete happiness!  (Please hear the sarcasm).

So we sold our house in cold Wisconsin, quit our jobs, picked up our one year old (in the process broke my parents heart by taking their only Grandchild away), rented a U haul and off we went! To sunny California where life would be better, because there is sun and beaches and a new life waiting for us. We quickly found that life here was just the same. There were still bills. There was still work. There was still a disconnect between us, between us and God, between us and others. Life was just hard! And then came child number two. That fixed everything. Um, nope! More hard stuff ahead. We searched for a church for about a year in our new state before we settled on one. We got involved in a few different Bible studies throughout our time there, and met some great people. We wanted to please God, but we were just pretty blind and selfish with our lives. Our faith was small. Our eyes were on ourselves. After a few years at that church we felt started looking for another church. We recognized that we weren't growing and we wanted to. But  there was so much we did not recognize. Like if we wanted to hear from God we needed to give him our everything. We needed to lay down our lives for him. And we just weren't doing that. After about a half year of looking for a new church we found one that we finally both agreed on. NEXT Chapter! And this is a good one!!

We now have 3 children. In the last decade there had been seasons of my life that I spent time in the Bible and trying to have consistent devotionals. There had been seasons of growth. But I would quickly get sucked back into just trying to survive as I balanced working and kids and marriage and life. Everything was about to change for me. By the grace of God He drew me back to him. He opened my eyes to so much. I attended a women’s bible study at the church and immediately fell back in love with the Bible. I felt like I could hear from God again. I heard his promises. I heard him  say he was with me and he wanted me. Oh did I want him to! I started consistently spending time with God again. Every day, praying to him and reading the bible. How could I forget how key that was to a life with him? Somehow, amidst the kids and busyness I did forget. But he did not forget me.

And once again, I was back in his arms loving him, loving his words to me, wanting to know him more, and wanting to give him all of me. So, he started to change me. Slowly and surely, And Oh I am still such a mess needing to be changed everyday. But he’s doing it. He’s using people, books, experiences, our church and more to change me. One thing that really knocked me off my butt was when I picked up a book last year written by Jennie Allen called “Restless.” I can’t explain what that book did to me. What it did FOR me and IN me.

Jennie Allen has a rare passion for God, a deep thirst for him that is contagious. I caught it. I’m so glad I did! And then I read her book “Anything.” After reading that book, I was ready to give up ANYTHING for him. I realized so many ways I went wrong in the past. I wanted things my way. I didn’t put everything on the table for him to do anything he wanted with me. I wanted him to do things my way. And that kept me from him. So, I put it all out there. I prayed the scary prayer that caused more amazing change in my life. “God, take everything. Everything is yours. Do anything you want. If it means me being closer to you, then do anything! I’ll give up anything. I’ll take in anything. I’ll go anywhere.”

I once again realized, how important it was to put my relationship with God first. So after growing so much by the challenges and the reminders of God’s promises and faithfulness given by Jennie Allen in her books, in February of 2014 I saw that she was putting on a conference called If Gathering. I downloaded it from my phone a week after it took place. Speakers upon speakers spoke to my heart. Challenged my core. Gave powerful words straight from God's word. He was there that weekend. I could hear him and feel him as I folded laundry listening to the speaking sessions on my phone. It took me two weeks of laundry folding time to get through all the sessions. Tears rolling down my cheeks as I folded towels and hung shirts. God is so good. God is working in this generation. And has so much in store for us.

Now a year later, the second IF Gathering is taking place in less than a month. God will be there again. God will speak through women and to women to change hearts and change lives. And this year, I am not going to listen to it by myself on my phone. This year our Church, Gateway in Visalia, will be hosting this weekend simulcasted live. We are praying for women from all over the central valley to come and gather together for this event. I am praying for every woman I call friend within an hour radius to be there.  And the reason is this. I think that as I felt alone for so long, many other women feel the same way. I also think it is common to get distracted with the stresses of life and not put God entirely first. Not lay down everything and anything for him. And when we don’t lay down everything we can’t hear everything and see everything that he has for us.

Now that I see God in such a clearer way, I want to grab people and say come over here!!! It is so much better!!! To walk with God daily. To get in his word every day. To hear from him everyday. To grow closer with him every day. Not just a Sunday-sit-in-the-pew-christian. But come run a race passionately and completely chasing after him. It’s so much better than a mediocre convenient type of faith. Knowing God has no comparison to anything else. It is life to the fullest. Even when it is extremely hard. Even when things go wrong, family gets sick, and relationships struggle, having the hope of God that only comes from knowing him intimately, is amazing and worth more than anything.

So, all of this to say: A pivotal part of my life was brought about by an author, a speaker, a mom, a Jesus follower, named Jennie Allen. She is holding the 2nd ever If:Gathering this February. And I want you to come! Come to Gateway in Visalia for the simulcasted event. Friday February 6th from 6:00 pm-9:00 pm and Saturday the 7th from 9:00 am-4:00 pm. Tickets are $10.00 each or a table of 8 for $60.00. I know it’s not easy to give up a weekend. To find childcare or miss a sporting event your child has is hard to do. But if you want to get to where he wants you to be, ask yourself if you are willing to give anything. IF you are, please come! You will hear from him. You will be changed. It may be a part of your story that you will gladly share with others in the near future. Thanks for listening to my story. I know I’m too wordy. So if you made it to the end, you are awesome! To God be the glory in everything he has done in my life. For bringing me to him over and over again. For not giving up on me. For getting me past some dark days and into his arms. I will never leave those arms again. I will not forget the importance of being in the Bible everyday. It changes me. It brings me to him.  His words, his people, and time with him, is what changes me and brings me closer to him every day. He is so good!

Maybe parts of my story sound like parts of your story. Maybe not. But the truth is, no matter where we have been. No matter where we are right now. God has more for us. So much more!!!! Come see where he wants you, what he wants from you, what he can do in your life. If God is real, then let’s live like it!  Here’s a clip for If:Gathering and a link to get tickets to IF:Local at Gateway in Visalia.

Post by Jennie Allen.

Get your tickets here! If you don't see the link on the page please check back soon!

http://gatewayvisalia.com/

If you want to learn more about If Gathering or want to find a simulcast closer to you, check out their site here: https://ifgathering.com/

Let’s never be satisfied in where we are, but seek to know him more. Then, we will be a light so bright to others around us! They will see Jesus when we are filled with Jesus. Let’s live our lives like God is real! Let’s get a bigger picture of who he is, because he is bigger than we can imagine. Let’s magnify him!